her heart was breaking
shards & pieces of it shattering
as the love was dissipating
her soul seemed to be fading
she would give everything up
just to end this suffering
if only she could take a chance
& try again for true love’s romance
the silence was broken
with all those words never spoken
but it took just one kiss
for their hearts to realize all they missed
the fog of night
held her sight
the path she didn’t know
was filled with many holes
her steps were light
she slowly trudged
thru her plight
until eventually
the sun came out
& dissolved her doubt
she had a plan
as most people do
she outlined her escape
from this hell she lived through
she struggled & prayed
hoping one day
she could leave this place
to find her own space
& then the day came
carrying boxes she left him
with tears streaming down
her new life began with a smile
our hearts are just poets
whether we write the words
or we don’t
we all live in dreams
even as reality laughs & screams
these memories we hold
in these timeless prose
our fantasies we share
out of this world ideas that we dare
either with pen & paper
or tapping on a keyboard
there once was a princess
who lived in a tower
so high in the sky
that no one could touch her
her heart went unloved
her soul was un-shown
she was frozen in a time
no one could ever know
she had no ladders
no doors to walk through
so she sat & cried
letting the pain loose
i once was had love
but now it’s turned to dust
i once smiled at the sun
but the rain drowned it
i once shivered in the cold
but my blood was still warm
i once had it all
but i realize it was all a show
she tested him
time & again
creating hurdles
no one could jump over
digging potholes
anyone would fall in
letting her mind
convince her
of what he wasn’t
until the day
she finally gave up
she was
naked underneath
but she held
her robe tightly
afraid to show her body
even to the man
who wanted her
her fingers clutched the fabric
tears began to swell
then run down
until she realized
he loved her
no matter her size
She knew her body
was not beautiful,
so she layered it
with tattoos
on her skin
to make it so.
No one knew
the origin of her pain
even her mind
claimed to abstain.
As I stood on the fringe
between reality & insanity,
a strong wind came through
to shove me across the boundary.
i hold on tight
to this speck of light
wishing hoping praying
with all my might
wondering if when or where
i might see that smile again
this just isn’t fair
life gave you to me
but then it took it away
leaving me to rot alone
in these hours of despair
you came & went
now my love is spent
your words have no meaning
when they are not said with feeling
your compliments don’t stick to me
because i know they are fake pity
your lies i will not believe
my mind is smarter than you think
your heart i will not treasure
because you only wanted your pleasure
there once was a love
that i dared to touch
a powerful mystery
i thought i could solve
try as i might
sacrificing all i was
it seemed to be imaginary
living only in my mind
it wasn’t a puzzle
no game & no fun
it was just another way
of breaking my own heart
mine is a jealous soul
never confident on my own
my mind is the devil’s playground
when left alone to wander around
i always suspected you’d make my heart frown
but still i persisted until i drowned
Never did i imagine
i’d lose my air
when your heart
left mine
in such despair
your love
demolished my heart
leaving me to plot
a lonely course
in the ruins of something
that was my fault
i carry the blame
upon my back
trudge in the guilty mud
that weighs me down
while regret seizes
what is left of my sight
I suspect
that I
have nothing left.
Just empty words
filled with regret.
through my life
i’ve collected many hearts
bits & pieces spent then tossed
happiness filled them up
before anger destroyed the love
leaving me to wonder
if i’d ever get enough
i fall asleep
with the memory
of your arms
around me
i awake
with the tears
that shake me
from my reverie
once i had your heart
& you held onto mine
but now there’s no spark
no warmth in my bed to find
i laugh, i cry
my eyes do not lie
torn to pieces
in the sun i do fry
in the valley of darkness
i do abide
awaiting the sunlight
& praying for a sign
the stars smile down
as the moonlight shines
death may not have me
i’m not ready to die
so instead i sit & wait
patiently for life
i don’t dream anymore
not since i made the mistake
of holding your love
i don’t breathe easily
since you went away
leaving me drowning with all this
i don’t see clearly
while the tears stream
down my face onto my sheets
i don’t hear you
since my heart u did steal
leaving me to heal
there is no master key
for this keyhole is locked you see
covered in cobwebs
& rusted thru its edges
this door has been closed
for many ages & years
sealed by tears pain & fears
knock if you must
no one will answer
bang if you will
this door will not yield
Friends
kindness
compassion
a place to weather the storms
when they roll in
love
respect
somewhere to lay
your heart & head
laughter
silliness
the ones who send you
all those funny GIFs
patience
purity
they don’t lie to you
they prove it
comfort
tears
they share your fears
there was no coin toss
this was not a
heads or tails choice
would this love be won
or would it be lost
for no one can tell the heart
who to love & who not
it makes its own choices
for our souls have but one shot
they proclaimed she had
a golden heart
but little did they know
she was not made of such things
just a shattered soul
the colors they saw
were just mere reflections
of the love she’d lost
over many decades
her words were revealing
her heart they proclaimed
she wrote of her soul & all its pain
day after day
line after sad line
knowing all these things
would heal her in time
there once was a keyhole
a window to her heart
until one day
she covered it up
she used some concrete
to block up that hole
no one would get in
she proclaimed to her soul
she’d had enough of the fools
liars & fakes
each one claiming They could get in
but she would Never let them
it was a huge mistake
i heard them say
it can’t be undone
i heard them whisper
all is lost
they screeched of this disaster
this will never go unpunished
as they wielded their power
she will pay for her crimes
as her soul they shattered
my mind was mistaken to trust you
my heart was forsaken by your love
my soul was shaken by your inaction
now my body quakes with loneliness
so never tell me
that i have to try love
again
let the water rain down
like my tears to the ground
wash away all this sadness
to gather upon the grass
showers may come
storms rage & fall
but let not your heart stall
for brighter days will be on the horizon
one day the sun will return
to bring our hearts home
I may bend
but I will not break.
The storms may come
but my life
they do not make.
The sun shall shine
the clouds will clear
I step forth from the rains
& I will persevere.
Walk into the sunlight
leaving darkness behind
today will be the day
for my soul to shine.
There was a grand scheme in place,
some way she could live in this space.
She would no longer fight this battle
just accept her fate as the thunder rattled.
The rains poured down like the tears of her frown
while the earth stood still & her heartbeat slowed.
She tried to run.
She tried to hide.
But in the end
she had no more pride.
Nothing left to do now
but pick herself up,
dust her heart off,
& continue pushing forward.
And her Saturday begun
with the sun
peaking out from the horizon.
As she walked alone
pondering her course.
the idea of a life,
of a time
with no more discord
soothed her heart.
A single tear fell
while the passing flowers
she did smell.
It started as a small seed,
full of promise,
but hidden in the weeds.
It fought for some sun,
reached down deep
into the ground for water,
it began to blossom.
It grew strong
& kept plotting a course
so it could rise up
to bloom larger than life.
I found a white hair
It made me think
I’m a brunette
It was what I was born to be
Not a redhead
no matter how many times
I dyed my hair for that HE
I’m not a blonde
although that HE begged me to be
I’m not a young girl
so I shan’t cover it up
Cause no matter what
I’m ME
i could break down & cry
lose every tear left in my eyes
but who would that help
only the pain i hold inside
cause it doesn’t help release
the fears that i dare to keep
so i’ll not cry for them now
i’ll just walk tall & stand proud
Soul Sisters
the missing pieces
of your heart
the long-lost connections
you never thought
you’d find
the other half of your brain
who understands the pain
that you could never name
giving comfort to the shame
sharing light thru the darkness
that remains
i built a frame
for the walls within
it had tall studs
& plenty of nails
i created a space
where i thought
i was safe
but just ended up
building my own prison
it kept all this pain
flowing in my veins
it never let in light
i just stewed in my plights
until i built
a way out
i slid the razor
over my skin
it stretched my flesh
until it began to bleed
i watched as my soul
started to flow
i prayed as i took
another chance & spoke
as tears gathered
spilling down my face
death will not have
at least not today
i followed a trail
through the dark woods
the sun never shined
into the trees
the moon didn’t cry
down upon me
but still i stepped forth
knowing i still breathe
it wasn’t magic
there was no fate
it wasn’t what was meant to be
& that is not up for debate
love just happens
we never know how or why
our hearts just accept it
without looking thru our eyes
we use it, we lose it
it comes & it goes
every once in a while
we just know
love gets lost
but never forgotten
broken hearts heal
even when gone unspoken
we live we breathe
& continue to push thru
remembering all the pain
makes us stronger within
with hungry hatred
of a heart that is undone
i decide to act
or continue to suffer
no amount of time
could ever sever
these deceitful shadows
the wheel that keeps turning
as morsels of the past
keeping weighing down my present
my heart is dressed with decorum
but my soul stays silent
the night screams
my silhouetted dreams
as the bloated glow
streams down on my soul
this illumination
definitive rumination
allows my heart to shine
with a glow that is sublime
it was the
eye of the beast
that lured me
to this dark place
where no words
are spoken
there lived
no love or devotion
just the whispers
of lust
the kind that
requires ultimate trust
the cave of fantasy
that stole my heart
& controlled
my humanity
I once heard a myth
of a love that could fit.
I once believed that
I could somehow find it.
I once had a chance
to make that love last.
But then I made a mess
that I just couldn’t clean up.
There was a plan in place
she knew with a smirk upon her face.
She had cultivated
its limits
while skirting its boundaries.
It was foolproof
she convinced herself,
as long as
everyone played their part.
It would be
the biggest score
if only it could
only fool her heart.
It was controlled chaos,
this fantasy I had built
in my mind.
It had no basis in reality
I would soon find.
It simply haunted my heart
& encompassed my soul.
It was nothing but
a passionate dream
that was never told.
there once was a rose
beautifully broken
with tattered edges
& a bland faded color
it grew with no sun
trying to push its roots
down into the poisoned soil
its thorns were so tough
it could slice any finger
but one day it gave up
& on the vine it withered
i’ve been your puppet
i’ve danced to your tune
i’ve twisted & turned my body
to fit in your boxed dream
i’ve given it my all
even more than i had to give
now i will gain my inner strength
dance with my own demons
& sing my own song
I could let
This ruin me
Play the victim
For the rest of time
Or
I could allow
It to strengthen me
And be the Queen
I know is within me
People come
In and out
Of your life
They change you
For the good
Or the bad
They can make you
Happy or sad
But don’t let
Anyone steal
your heart
Don’t let them
Tear you apart
Their actions aren’t
Yours
Neither are
Their demons
Own your own
Push forward
I didn’t know it
at the time
but it was just
self sabotage
I had ruined
all that was
just by not
admitting the cause
I had wasted
all my life
playing a victim
to my strife
I had lost
true love’s time
by struggling
with my own love
I wanted to
go back
but it was
too late
If I’d only known
it would be our
last kiss,
I think I would’ve
made it something
more special.
I would’ve held you tighter
for just a bit longer.
I would’ve inhaled your smell
even more in those seconds before.
I could’ve memorized your taste
left on your lips.
It’s not always you.
It’s not always me.
Sometimes
Life just won’t let it be.
our hearts are like a prism
complex & full of light
they can get damaged
but will Always heal up
there can be cracks
but they only make it more beautiful
don’t hide it behind a wall
for the whole world should know
it is unique
it is powerful
let it shine
forever more
her smooth skin
hid her ragged soul
what she held inside
only a few would know
her tears bled her pain away
her words clearly projecting them
while no one ever saw the change
as her anger began to melt then fade
we all have strength
we all have courage
we all can be
our Own Heros
But Who Needs A Hero
when we have our own minds
who needs a savior
when we alone can bridge the divide
my mind is a riddle
a game just for me
each move & choice
is for me to make
it is no open book
there are no cheat sheets
it is only in my hands
for me to make what i will
i give my choices to no one
cause they don’t live in my mind
i take this upon myself
cause it is my life
she tempted the world with her words
knocking down walls with her poems
swirling the clouds with her emotions
bringing showers with her tears
only to let the water wash away her fears
cleansing her mind with each syllable
she wanted a place
to rest her mind
she wanted a person
to give her heart to
she wanted a space
so she could just breathe
she wanted a soul
where she felt it was at #home
i wished for a love once
i wished to be
something i wasn’t
i wrote the words
i spoke so many prayers
i wished on all the stars
i gave it my all
only to fall in the potholes
but i picked myself up
with my friends help
although i’m dusty now
i smile instead of frown
& walk proud
we cannot continue
to magnify our cracks
we need to just
continue to heal them up
I have
no excuse
or alibi
for what
I’ve done,
just reasons
that don’t
make sense now.
I didn’t
lose myself
all of a sudden.
It happened
over a culmination
of years,
growing fears,
and with
walls closing in.
many doors closed
some i shut myself
running down empty halls
knocking on thick walls
i ran away from
what i’d become
while chasing what
i wasn’t
until i came two
an end i had in view
there was an open door
i was afraid two step through
but then i did
& all became new
i had this thirst
that i just couldn’t sate
when i realized
something was missing
i searched for it
high & low
traced every memory
that i knew
analyzed each action
picked apart all my prose
until one day i found it
hidden in my own soul
i used to smile for them
then i smiled for you
now i smile for me
cause my life is brand new
her sorrow consumed her
like a hurricane does to water
twisting & turning
until her soul was nothing
but un-containable hurt
it made her cry
it made her lie
all of it visible
in her eyes
she couldn’t hide from it
she couldn’t replace it
nothing left to do but to face it
the craving of the body
reflects the cravings of the heart
don’t let your mind confuse you
follow your soul’s desire to be true
I say sorry
to the one I couldn’t love
I say sorry
to the one who loved me
I say sorry
because I couldn’t see
I say sorry
because I had to leave
I say sorry
this is just me
that village
from her childhood
molded her memories
& concealed her heart
in a shame that would last
until one day
she broke out & was FREE
she made a new world
a new family of contemporaries
& pushed forward into a future
that held all she ever wanted
A person may
grow in a village,
but at some point,
they must make
their own place
where they can flourish.
temper is uncontrolled rage
but
patience is when a heart can wait
her will commands
her body still
her heart demands
to give in
her soul sings
through the violin strings
winds gather & blow
as her song fills the world
i’m always left in awe
when in your arms
as one heart
caresses another
means so much more
than any words
ever spoken
although we
may complement
each other’s sides
we should
never forget
we are complete
in a singular sense
those around us
should only increase
our meanings
not decrease
our values
bubble bubble
watch as they morph
glisten in the sun
float along the horizon
change colors
shrink & expand
full of hope & breaths
they’ll eventually
fall & break
but for now
we’ll watch them
do the magic they do
i sit in awe
watching as stars fall
wishing as i might
thinking of ways to take flight
but as my soul knows
my body may stay still
my mind refills
on the mountain top
as the clouds covered the world
a restless soul sat patiently
waiting
cause it knew
this storm would pass
the smile returns at last
& peace will reign again
it was a silent command
a wordless demand
two minds in sync
two bodies in the moment
caught in the bondage of kink
wrapped in timeless space
keeping up the pace
until their hearts
bloomed in this place
it was the conflict of her lifetime
finding all the mistakes
hidden in her memories
sinking in guilt & shame
breathing in strain everyday
accepting the past
all those things that wouldn’t last
searching for the sunrise
while lost in the midnight of her life
my heart was born dead
with all my goodness withered & scarred
justice does not bleed for me
but i shall not meditate on this
although i don’t know me anymore
i’ll press forward & settle this score
gathering my strength as tears stain my cheeks
this world will never see
Loneliness craves companionship.
Heartaches crave company.
Anger craves attention.
Hearts crave mending.
Will you stand beside me
when the world starts to crumble
Will you wipe away my tears
when the rains start pouring
Will you keep me warm
when the snow starts falling
Will you be my oxygen
when I can’t seem to breathe
Will you show me love
when I think I don’t deserve it
In the library
of emotions,
she was
the book that
was never opened.
i hid it in my pocket
where no one could see it
no one knew what i carried
i never displayed it anywhere
it was my own little secret
words that never got spoken
feelings that never were shown
an unrequited love never known
all of it kept for my own
a world i’d never show
It was an impossible task
trying to make love last.
One step forward Two steps back
was her approach
the way for her to attack
forever standing with fear at her back
always forced to march on
told not to remember sins of her past
but if they only knew
it was her scars that grew
with every word left unsaid
every tear on her bed
she was a pretty shell
every hair in place
with a smile that
could make you melt
eyes that would
cut thru any soul
lips that routinely
spoke of love
but
inside she was
an empty box
completely devoid
of any emotions
a heart that was
forever alone
& incapable of trust
as we march thru life
it is a slow approach
only to reach
the end of a long road
laying in a bed of clover
she knew what they didn’t
her story was over
no luck, no love
no serene ending
she was a lifeless soul
surrounded by the greenery
fighting a losing battle
scarred by the fire
enraged in the shadows
she is now
what never mattered
i fell through
to the black hole
filled with an emptiness
that engulfed my soul
a deep dark place
where love has no face
time ticks away
& fear always stays
where light disappears
no candles no flames
live here
just the sound of tears
falling thru this sphere
your love
swallowed me whole
now i’m
a heart
with no home
It was a
moment of loss
she realized
as his absence
left her soul cold.
It was like someone
had shut off the sun,
only to leave her freezing
in outer rims
of the Earth.
She was a
floating asteroid
in the space
of dark emotions.
My keystrokes
may be graceful,
but oh how
my heart is clumsy.
My words reveal my soul,
but don’t doubt
that you
won’t ever know me.
I’m barricaded for a purpose,
far beyond a human’s touch.
My mind sleeps alone because
that’s all my heart will allow.
i don’t belong here
in this space
with only my memories
i’m left to face
stuck in a rut
unable to get out
& i’m forced to be fake
no one hears my screams & shouts
but i’ll bide my time
& be sentenced w/this crime
they think me a fool
but one day
i’ll move on & be healed
Guilt
is a heavy burden
for a heart
left to worry
and a mind
that is determined.
gone in a flash
he had made a mad dash
too afraid it would last
so he scurried away
with the past
his heart she would have
but she knew he couldn’t last
so with no more words left
he let her heart go
leaving her with
nothing left to show
instead of a shower
it was a flood
a storm that carried
a great big ocean
it took years to build it
but seconds for it to fall
it wasn’t a tornado
but a hurricane after all
She was shy & clumsy,
falling into potholes that weren’t there.
But her heart was
as graceful as a ballerina,
doing pirouettes in the air.
the feeling of the belt
that caused the painful welt
left her desperate heart
needing to be felt
It was but a flash
a momentary lapse
that would encompass
all the wonders
that made a heart leap
at the sound of thunder.
Guilt sleeps with me
every night as I weep.
It terrorizes my dreams
making my chest heave.
I know I’m never alone
cause it has its place on my throne.
I belonged to you,
but you never
belonged to me.
While I was giving all I could,
you weren’t seeing me.
I tried & I cried,
begging & pleading,
but in the end
you weren’t all you seemed.
We parted with no words.
Now all that love
goes unheard.
He had promised
to weather her hurricane
He had told her
he would be there
He had convinced her
she was worth his time
But in the end
her storm was too strong
And it ripped their love
Apart
Pour me some whiskey
go ahead & drown me
let it be never ending
allow my mind to swim
& wash away this pain
let the liquor burn
& erase all this yearn
down the hatch you go
let it always flow
Once complete & happy
Full of love & so sappy
We were of one mind
Until such time
Our love was broken
Words & actions
That cannot be retracted
Have caused us to be
Split & unhappy
No longer one
But two in the same song
Our beats will live on
In a singular form
Beaten but not broken
These words we’ve spoken
Have ripped my heart open
Left to bleed your promises
Such time we’ve wasted
Along with all this haste
To reach a climax
That wasn’t meant to be made
Hush now don’t speak
Your words mean nothing
to me
There’s just Something
about you
The laughs, the smiles
The Way you make me
feel New
There’s just Something
in your Voice
Something that breaks
thru the Void
That makes me Believe
just maybe
this Something
was Meant to be
for in this Moment
i can Breathe
There was
only a thin wire
connecting us.
Just a small strand
being projected
around the earth.
It was just a tiny thing
& yet
it made my heart sing.
Until you cut the chord
leaving only memories
of our discourse.
I improvised a rhyme.
I set the rhythm & time.
Typed it out only to find
my words did not apply.
So I started again
working until the night’s end.
But still it wasn’t exactly
what I had wanted to give.
I then closed the machine
& just went to sleep.
we all have rhythm
we all have rhyme
we watch as the time
ticks & ticks by
some do not believe
some cannot conceive
but within our bodies
our hearts do beat
when you are lost
& your soul is covered in frost
take a moment to listen
& i know you’ll hear it
Anger is but a freight train
racing through your mind.
It chases the emotions
that build up with time.
It’ll run off its tracks
but only if you allow.
In the end, it’ll propel you
to a long awaited distant land.
My heart sits upon the shore
where the ocean meets the sand.
My feet touch the cool water
as the waves crash upon them.
As I look at the setting sun,
I remember what once was.
My memories are the shells
that get buried in these deep wells.
Nothing is perfect.
Not the sun.
Not the stars.
No one can be.
Even though we want to.
No love will ever be.
No moment is flawless.
We take what we make.
Yet we always will
yearn for more.
But in the end, remember this
nothing will be perfect
for our hearts.
lost in dreams
lost in memories
lost in fantasies
lost in your eyes
tell me why
i dare to fantasize
no help for it
they say
not until
the waves
begin to crash in
stay strong
they plead
wait, you’ll see
but when you
stand alone
it’s hard to hear
the sweet songs
My heart is a deep pit
filled with emotions that split
my soul into many slivers
with thoughts
that would make you shiver.
Be careful when you approach
because my wrath I will expose
if you are the least bit false.
Staring at you,
my eyes to yours
with just whispers
of the world
outside our door.
Nothing can touch us
not in here,
& not while
we are within
each other’s arms.
For just in those moments
there is only us.
Her flaws
were visible
to anyone
who wasn’t blind.
Her mistakes
were on display
just in the way
she carried herself.
Her scars
she held close
to her heart.
But her beauty
was what
lived inside.
And when
her heart
had turned
ice cold,
it was just
the whisper
of a new love
that brought
her soul
back to life.
When Winter Is Over
my heart will be older
the ice will melt
& love again will be felt
When Winter Is Over
the Spring will be
nothing but
the dawn of a new day
When Winter Is Over
my tears will abide
collecting to make oceans
to wash away with the tides
then arrive
at a new destination
You may not have broken her heart
BUT
You could be the one who
finds her when she’s lost
My heart
is too big.
My words
echo & ring.
My thoughts are
dark & menacing.
My love
is too consuming.
I feel too much.
I hurt too deep.
I sometimes
forget to speak.
No day with me
is the same.
I’m a million things.
If you don’t want
an adventure,
don’t bother
to come near.
Hold my hand
while we walk
thru the fires
of hell.
Smile when
I tell a joke
even though
you don’t
understand.
Come ride
with me
& I’ll make sure
you’ll never
forget this.
the one who got away,
is
the one who was never meant to stay
It was some whirlwind infatuation.
A lingering fantasy that would not end.
A wish built on a dream
that never seemed to be fulfilled.
Where one held the heart of another,
tenderly caressing it
before tossing it away forever.
i put away
the trinkets
that remind me of you
i block out
all the memories
of our last kiss
i set aside
the pictures & words
we both shared then
i lock away
the part of my heart
where you will stay
forever hidden in my tears
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