romance, Uncategorized

5 Minutes

kneeling head down

“I’m five minutes away. Are you ready?”

“And what if I say I am not?”

“I’d say get ready, and fast.”

“Ok, if you say so.”

“I do. Are you wearing what I asked you to wear?”

“Of course.”

“I’ll be inspecting you, from head to toe, when I arrive. Do not have a piece out of place, please.”

“Aye, aye Sir.”

He laughs before responding. “Good Girl.”

Precisely five minutes later, he’s at the door. He lets himself in and she’s on her knees with her head bowed; eyes on the floor. He drops his jacket on the chair before stalking over to her.

She sees his black leather shoes and knows exactly what to do when he clears his throat. They’ve been here before. She doesn’t need point by point instructions, anymore. She moves her small hands from her knees to untie each shoe, removing them before placing them aside on the floor.

“Good Girl.”

She bites back a smile until she hears the slow sound of his leather belt being pulled from his pants. NOW, it was all business. Her heart begins to pound as her stomach does flips. Thank goodness she had eaten hours ago, just like he had instructed.

He doesn’t move, allowing the anticipation to build. He would test her today and push her to the edge of her limits. He smiles while looking at her reverent form. She was His Good Girl, of that he was so sure of. He collapses his belt in one hand while the other reaches for her cheek.

She waits for him to stretch her neck up before moving her eyes to his. She could see the lust pouring out of him; the darkness in his eyes captivating her, as it always does. She sucks in a breath as he leans down to kiss her so gently on the lips. As her heart melts, he slips the belt around her neck, pulling it tightly in one movement.

Her eyes never move from his, and he admires her strength. Her submission had been one of his greatest achievements. Now it was time to reap the rewards of all their hard work. “Open up.”

Her mouth opens wide, then her legs. She was completely bare; her skin, her soul, and her heart.

“One finger. Show me how wet you are for me.”

His voice swept through her and she has not even one ounce of doubt as she does as he bids. She slips one finger into her soft pussy, already slick with want, pulling it out then lifting it up to him.

He leans over taking the finger into his mouth and sucking lightly.  A faint moan echoes through the room, forcing her to bite her lip. Her salty taste on his tongue and lips only proves to make him harder than he was when he walked in. “So good.” He reaches for his zipper and her eyes widen, only causing him to smile.

She glances at his length, sturdy and hard, before dragging her eyes up to his. With one tug on the belt she’s face to face with his cock. She pushes her tongue out, licking from the base all the way up to the tip, then sliding her lips around it. She slides her tongue down the side, allowing her saliva to coat him. She breathes in his manly scent until she’s drunk on him, and it’s only just started. She works her tongue up back to the tip, before dragging it slowly down the other side of his length.  But, this time when she reaches the tip, he grabs her hair stopping her until her eyes meet his again.

He loved it when she savored him. She was good at it he had to admit; slow, soft, and purposeful. He knew she loved to drive him to the edge of his control, but today, he would make sure she swallows him whole. His hand grasps her hair firmly with one hand, while scraping a nail on her cheek with the other. He makes her wait until she’s breathless before sliding his cock into her mouth. He pushes in slowly, allowing her to adjust to his full length before touching the very back of her throat. He stops there, holding her tightly as her hands grasp for his thighs.

Her nails scrap at the material of his pants. Her mind reminds her to hold very still. He would move her when he wanted to, and until then, it was her job to take all he could give at any moment. She feels the sting of her scalp as his hand pulls his cock slowly from his mouth. Salvia drips down her chin; she gasps a few quicks breaths while staring at him. His mouth is open and that only makes her want more.

He pushes her mouth back onto his cock, using his grip in her hair to work her mouth on his thick length. He leans into her mouth; pushing every inch in as far as he can go. One hand leaves her cheek reaching for the belt. He pulls hard but steady, constricting her throat as he works his cock in and out of her delicious mouth. Each time he pulls out, he’s rewarded with a loud gasp. Each time he goes further, he leans his head back diving into his own pleasure.

She can feel him cutting off her air with every push, and she does not fight it. She knows he is enjoying it as much as she is. Her mouth caresses each ridge as she drinks in his taste. He tightens the belt and her eyes flutter. She’s close to subspace and she loves how he knows just how to get her there.

He teases her for several minutes, allowing her saliva to coat his cock well. She’s breathless when he pulls away, tugging the belt when he moves. He watches her follow him, still on her knees, as he leads her to the bed.

“Stand up. Lean over the bed.”

Her heart is racing, the belt still tight around her neck. She moves as he says, leaning her body over the bed. Her ass is exposed and she knows what comes next. But he makes her wait. She can’t see him, but hears the rustling of his clothes as he moves around the room. Goosebumps begin to form as suddenly she feels cold. A hand on her ass cheek changes that quickly. One smack and her skin is alight. A soft kiss follows and she can’t help but moan at his gentle touch. Another smack lands on the opposite cheek, turning her face bright red as the temperature inside her body begins to come to the surface. She gives him another low moan when he kisses the burning cheek.

He smiles down at her, eager to turn her pale skin pink. Another swat, followed by another and he watches her body relax to absorb the sensations of sweet pain. He pushes a finger inside her hot wet hole, working it in and out as his other hand moves against her skin, over and over. When he’s pleased with the marks of his handprints on her skin, he pushes two fingers in to work the silky skin. At this point she is visibly dripping with desire. He tugs the belt again lifting her up from the bed. Once she is on her feet, he allows her to lean into him while he places soft kisses on her forehead, her cheeks, and finally on her lips.

She pushes up on her toes to taste all of him; their tongues swirling, licking, and dancing together in a hot kiss. She can feel his hard cock on her belly, poking into her skin. Her skin is on fire, her throat tight from more than just the belt. She wraps her arms around his neck, as he slides his hands around her back and down to her ass. She squeaks into his mouth as he lifts her.

He drops her to the bed and covers her quickly. Their mouths crash for another long kiss. He leans back, grasping the belt tightly before pushing his cock into her. His eyes light up when she opens her mouth. He slides out slowly before pushing in again roughly. He tugs at the belt as his thrusts begin to speed up, each time pushing further and further into her. Her muscles automatically grab and suckle his cock each time he enters. Beads of sweat gather on his forehead, dropping to her sweet pale skin. He thrusts in hard before licking the sweat off her large breast. He takes a nipple into his mouth, sucking in hard before working his tongue around the taut tip, biting it before releasing. A slow retreat of his length leads to another hard thrust and a tug of the belt.

She’s breathless and on edge. Her mind is frying while her breaths are quick and shallow. She can’t help but feel him everywhere, all over her. She barely can open her eyes just to meet his. She’s in deep and they both know it. She leans up as he pulls at the belt again; her mouth opens as he thrusts into her over and over, picking up the pace into a rapid motion. She feels the nerves in her back begin to tingle, the warmth in her stomach rising to a slow burn.  She’s close and he lets go of the belt.

With quick motions he removes the belt from her throat, replacing it with his hand. He pushes in and out, working until the friction is overwhelming. He squeezes her throat as they both crash into orgasm. His body stiffens against hers as he unloads his seed into her warm body. He releases her neck as his strokes slow to a languid pace. He is as breathless as she is but captures her mouth again to match his licks to his movements.

The smell of sex hangs in the air as the two recover their breaths.

His kisses her forehead, then her cheeks, working down to her neck. He smiles as she moans softly in between breaths. He slides his arms around her before rolling over onto the bed. He pushes her hair out of her face while situating her on his chest. He leans down to kiss her forehead one more time before whispering. “My Good Girl.”

She smiles against his chest bringing one arm up to his neck, softly stroking the hair. “Thank you My Sir.”

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Uncategorized

Toys

girl on floor sitting in leaves

Toys are just

Inanimate objects

With no life,

And no hearts

What a shame

You can toss them on the floor

Or hang them high on the shelf

You can play with them if you want

Or throw them away in the trash

They’ll love you back

Help you cover and hide

Each scar and crack

But when the tears stop falling

Again

They’ll get thrown aside

 

Toys are replaceable

You never love one more

Than you’d love another

When it breaks

Or becomes too broken

You just toss it in the bin

Then buy a new one

There’s plenty to choose from

They are everywhere

You’ve always enough resources

You can do more

Than just to stop and stare

 

Toys are fun

When they are happy

But when they become

Something not so shiny

They lose your affection

And all of your time

Just remember that

Toys are just extras in life

You pick them up

Or put them on a shelf

Either way

They live and breathe

But only by the owner’s request

romance, Uncategorized

Love is a Choice

love is a choice cover

Love is a choice

She said in a low voice

And in it

I must choose myself

Cause when I gave it to you

You tore me apart

And turned my heart black and blue

You never realized

It was a gift

From my heart to your lips

I chose to love

To surrender all I was

And you chose yourself

Above all else

You gladly took my love

Tossed in a box and shoved

It down deep to be hidden

Claimed as yours

But you didn’t forgive me

Or care about who I was

Or what I was meant to be

Instead you assumed my love

And thought I’d never leave

You forgot it was My Choice

My Heart, My Life, My Voice

And I could take it back

Any time I wanted to forget

All this pain and anguish

That was left after I wept

So while you’ve chosen yourself

I must make haste and be dealt

With what’s left of my choices

And what’s left to be felt

In the end I know

I have to choose myself

And forego all else

romance, Uncategorized

Last Week of Marriage Chapter 22

lawyers office

Tom had spent the last forty eight hours in a drunken, miserable stupor. Once he walked away from Tessa, the world had ceased to exist. He vaguely remembered showing up at the club, only to be turned away and escorted home by a friend who knew that he shouldn’t have been there in the first place. He had only stopped drinking the night before when he reached the lawyer’s office. He hadn’t bothered to play the part of a professional, sober man, shucking his tie and suit for blue jeans and a t-shirt. He stumbled out of car after instructing his driver that this wouldn’t take long.

Tom entered the office, slamming the door, only making his head ache even more. He couldn’t be bothered to even manage a half smile for the receptionist before plopping unceremoniously down in a chair. He leaned forward, rubbing his temples and whispering to any god that would listen. He begged for the pain to cease. He begged that somehow, some way he could get through this.  All he had to do was give a verbal command to his lawyer and all of it would be done. His marriage would be over. He would be giving Tessa what she wanted, while destroying any hope he had left in his life.

Tom jumped as the ringing phone in the office echoed. He faced the receptionist with a scowl as her cheery voice came through loud and clear. How long would he have to wait? He cursed under his breath as he readjusted in his seat. He paid a large amount of money to this lawyer and the least the man could do was see him in a timely fashion. He bounced a knee before looking out a window feeling as though time was ticking in slow motion.

“Tom, Mr. Bennett will see you now.”

Her sweet voice only grated on his mood even more. He didn’t bother to be polite but rather just moved into the main office. Behind the desk sat his overpriced lawyer, Bennett.

“Tom! How are you? Have a seat.”

Tom drops into a chair before eyeing Bennett. “How am I doing? Well how do I look, Bennett?”

Bennett leans his arms on the large mahogany desk. “You look like shit. What in the hell happened?”

“You know why I am here and it’s not to discuss how I look. The papers. File them. She’s given up. And frankly, so have I.”

“Well, I’m sorry to hear that Tom, but I can’t file them.”

“What the fuck do you mean? Why not?” Tom leans forward as though he is ready to jump across the desk and attack.

“Now calm down my friend.”

“Fuck this ‘my friend’ shit! I pay you to do as I tell you, and I am telling you file the fucking papers!”

“I can’t Tom. See, there’s been a snag.”

“Snag…a snag…” Tom’s eyes are burning as he lifts from his chair and places his palms flat on the dark wooden desk. “What kind of snag comes up with divorce papers? They are signed, a week has passed. Now what else needs to happen for you to do as you are told?”

“The other party in this matter has withdrawn their signature.”

“Withdrawn? What the hell are you talking about? I watched her sign them. She’s gone. Now I shouldn’t have to go through this with you since it’s my fucking marriage that is in the garbage!” Tom turns in anger taking two slow steps to the window. The drum beat of the hangover clamors in his head while his lawyer is talking sheer nonsense. He drags a hand to his forehead, rubbing it hard, begging to gain some clarity on what is going on. He’s so busy trying to focus that he doesn’t notice the soft click from a door closing.

“Tom.”

The rubbing stops immediately but he doesn’t dare turn around.

“Bennett, would you…could you please give me and my hus…give me and Tom a moment to speak.”

The beat in Tom’s brain slows to a thump as he hears a door close firmly. He turns to Tessa and she is a vision, even in his hungover state he must admit how beautiful she still was to him.  “Tessa?”

She rushes towards him but stops short, noticing his disheveled clothing and worn face. “Are you ok?” She begins to push her arms towards him, but stops before actually touching him.

“Am I ok? Do I fucking look ok? What is this? Why does Bennett say you’ve withdrawn your signature? We had a deal and you did your part. You’ve said you want none of this. I’ve accepted that.”

“Have you really? Or?”

“OR…or what Tessa.” He steps towards her earning him a step back from her. She was still afraid he could feel it. Why would she be here violating their agreement if she still felt like she couldn’t trust him?

Tessa drags in a deep breath before lifting her head defiantly. “Tom, I would like to…renegotiate.”

“RE…RE…RENEGOTIATE?” He lets out a huff before taking a step towards the desk and out of her reach. “Renegotiate?” He shakes his head as the drum beat gets louder and louder.

Tessa looks down at the brown carpet, biting her lower lip. This would be much harder than she expected. Sure she knew that he wouldn’t just jump back into a marriage with an obviously disturbed woman, but she had hoped. “Tom, I know that, well. I know that this last week didn’t go as either of us planned, but I realized something.”

Tom leans against the desk speechless.

Tessa takes a tentative step forward. “I realized that I can’t keep going on like this and that I haven’t been fair to you. I’ve kept things, parts of myself from you and I shouldn’t have. It wasn’t right.”

Tom’s face begins to soften. He can see the tears welling up in her eyes. He can feel her words and he sees that they are being spoken from her heart. But could he believe them?

Tessa steps closer, aligning her body in between Tom’s legs, but not touching him. “I know that neither of us are perfect, but I want to take responsibility in my wrong doings. If you can accept your part of it as well?”

“Tessa.” His voice is but a whisper. His shoulders begin to slump. He knows he wasn’t honest with her and the fault for this divorce is his too. His worry that she wouldn’t accept him made him go about this all wrong. ‘But Tessa you said…”

She steps closer, filling the gap between their bodies. “I know what I said then, and I know what I am saying now. I will withdraw my name from the divorce papers, but only if you want to renegotiate our marriage. I’m saying that…I’m willing to learn, if you’ll teach me. I’m willing to trust you, if you can promise me that you will never be with anyone else. Just me. Just you. That’s what I want in this marriage. Only Us.”

The drum in his head stops completely. He places his hands on her arms leaning down to look her in the eyes. He stares for a long moment asking himself if what she is saying is real. Can he trust her to trust him? He searches her eyes one more time before pulling her into a tight hug.

“Tom.” Tessa whispers as tears run down her face. “Tom, will you? Can you?” She pulls away just enough to see his face and beg once more. “Can you teach me? Can you help me…just be?”

Tom takes her lips in a hard kiss, holding her so tightly that her body natural melts into his. “Yes Tessa, please, let me.” His mouth is centimeters from hers. “Let’s try this again. And if we stumble, we will try again, and again. I never want to be without you. All I ever wanted was for you to be who you are, my amazing, beautiful wife, with an honest heart and soul.” His lips crash onto hers again for a long drawn out breathless kiss. His arms wrap around her, eager to touch, to claim every inch.

Minutes later there is a soft knock at the door followed by Bennett’s voice. “Is everything straightened out in here?”

Tom looks over at Bennett before smiling. “Tear the papers up. I’m taking my Wife home now. Charge me for the whole hour.”

“OK Tom. I’m glad to hear…”

Tom looks down at Tessa with a look of hunger. “Bennett…”

“Yeah?”

“I’ll give you a bonus to shut up right now. I need to make up properly with My Wife.”

A soft click is heard before Tessa’s lips spread into a sweet smile. “Oh goodness, does that mean the lessons start immediately?”

“Damn straight they do Wife, My Wife.”

For the first time in years, Tessa smiles at his use of the word. “OK then My Husband. Make up tonight, then renegotiate tomorrow.”

“And every day after that for the rest of your life.”

-Finale-

romance, Uncategorized

Last Week of Marriage Chapter 21

woman crying on floor

Luckily, Tessa still had some cash to pay for the hotel room, although she almost broke her mask when affirming that there would be just one person for the room. She padded away from the front desk heading as quickly as possible to the imaginary safety of her room. She knew Tom would not come for her, not now after what she had said. Pacing down the hall, scanning each door as she passed, Tessa knew she had ended it. She had tossed away what could have been. And damn if that wasn’t exactly what she always wanted.

Tessa fights with the door key, before thrusting it open and tossing her bags towards the bed. She slams the door behind her, leaning her back against the cool metal before allowing the tears to flow freely while she crumples to the floor.

The sun had begun to disappear as the night sky was looming. The stars couldn’t manage to outshine the lights of the roadways that were bleeding in through the curtains. Tessa drags a shaky hand up to her cheeks, wiping away the salty evidence of her self-inflicted heart break. A big huff later and Tessa was pushing her body up from the floor.

Hours had passed without her even noticing. She wraps herself with her arms as she steps lightly to the window to gaze at the view below. She leans into the cool window, resting her forehead against the clear glass to ponder on the height of the building. For a split second, she thought of what damaged she would do if she jumped.

The thought made her push away from the glass quickly, it suddenly dawning on her that those kinds of thoughts pass too quickly through her brain, while skimming away at what confidence she can muster. Almost shocked by the small epiphany, she shakes her head slowly while biting her lip contemplating why those thoughts run so rampant in her head. It was an honest revelation that had shaken her core.

Turning to the bag she had slung towards the bed earlier, she digs in finding all of her things from the hut. She grabs the bag hauling it into the bathroom. She starts the water, filling the bathroom with steam. Tessa strips her clothes off, glad to be free of the weight of them. At this point she felt like even the air was too much weight for her shoulders.

Lost in thought, she realizes the tub is overflowing. She rushes to shut the water off, releasing the plug to drain some of the steaming hot water, it stinging her hand as she did. Her feet slip in the now cool water lying on the floor and she giggles to herself as she eyes the cabinet with only three towels. Tom would have never let that happen, he would have insisted on at least 7 or 8 towels at the time of check in.

Tessa’s smile fades as her brain realizes that again, this was one more instance where she hadn’t noticed any of the little things he did for her. All those ways he had provided, tried to provide the comfort, the home, the life she needed. And once again, like every other time before, she had withheld from him. She had closed the book on parts of herself many years ago, never allowing him even knowledge of; much less access to those parts at all. She had been lying to him and to herself. She had been denying what she wanted and who she wanted to be for so long, she didn’t recognize it when the opportunity came along.

The gloom of her constant failures washes over her as she enters the hot bath. The water comes up almost to the top of her neck, and she’s tempted to dive under and stay. But she knows that will not solve a thing; she would only be hurting Tom much more than herself. She never feared dying, but she feared hurting anyone she loved. And…just…could it be she did still love him.

Maybe, if she thought it through very carefully, just maybe there would be a way to save what they once had? After all this time, after all his controlling ways, after everything that had been said, would she actually feel more free in his cage, rather than in her own? Could she trust him with all those parts she had hidden for so long?

The questions burned hotter than the water, although her pale skin turned quite pink during her short time soaking in it. She realized that she had never minded the sting of the water; she thought in a split second, but would that be anything like the sting of a belt? Could she do all the things Tom wanted? Would she even enjoy it? Her thoughts swirled around like the hot water making her body ache in places she didn’t even know existed. After almost a full week, she began to realize what seemingly Tom had known all along.  She had been so hell bent on not giving him what he wanted. Could it be that he knew what she just couldn’t admit?

Tessa jumps up from the water, grabbing the closest towel. She knew one thing as her wet feet padded out of the bathroom over to the bed. She knew she would never forgive herself if she didn’t truly try this. If she could manage to give everything, all of herself, to him, then maybe she would have a reason to really live.

Read Chapter 22 Now 

romance, Uncategorized

Last Week of Marriage Chapter 20

sunrise-on-the-beach-

Sheer exhaustion didn’t allow Tessa to wake as Tom gently undressed her, placing her neatly into the bed and covering her like a father would to a child. He watches her soft features as she snuggles into the cool bed.  He releases a pained sigh as he runs his thumb down her warm cheek. He wanted nothing more than to hold her but after her words; he knew he had to deny his desires.  He slips from the bed and walks away, leaving her to slumber in peace.

The moonlight is fading when Tessa begins to moan softly. She fists the sheets as her body beads with sweat. Her body writhes in the bed as her hands move furiously around grasping for something, or someone, who wasn’t there.

Her body snaps to attention with her fuzzy mind and dazed eyes. The room is dark, but not completely thanks to the soft rays of the moon. A quick look to the cold side of the bed only proved to Tessa’s heart that yesterday was no nightmare, it had clearly been reality. She drags her hands to her face releasing a large breath. The weight of her words settling into her worried mind. She had made a huge mistake. She had wanted to take it all back, but there would be none of that. All she could do now was apologize, and pray that Tom would open back up.

The sheets make a light noise as Tessa slips from the bed, padding softly over to the bathroom. She cleans up, brushes her teeth while peeking curiously out the bathroom door. She couldn’t see if Tom was there from her viewpoint. So she made quick work of it and headed out to find Tom in the hopes she could have a long discussion and clear this up, rather, make her words clear.

She pads through the bedroom into the kitchen and living area. She pauses, holding her breath as she sees nothing out of place. No dishes in the sink. No blankets on the couch. No shoes by the door. There was nothing, no sign that anyone was there or had been there. A shaky hand reaches up to swipe at her bangs before rubbing her forehead. Why did she feel completely alone in that moment?

Tessa shakes off that feeling of dread and steps towards the door. Her feet feel the coolness of the patio stones, followed by the feeling of coarse sand squeezing between her toes. The moonlight is fading while the sun tries to peak on the horizon. Tessa steps close enough to feel the tickle of salt water on her toes as the tides roll in and out. Her eyes are wide begging for sunlight to appear, if only so her body can shake off the deep cold feeling her soul was carrying.

She didn’t know how long she stood there, but she watched as the sun magically began to appear in small increments. The waves roared in her ears, drowning out anything but her loneliness. She was lost in her mind when she felt a hard hand touch her shoulder softly.

Tessa jumped slightly before tearing her eyes away from the sun to see a somber Tom. She turned, sliding her feet in the coarse sand as she did. She took in his gaze, his stance, his stern jaw. Within the second she gazed into his eyes, she realized that hope had washed away like the tides. Her mouth opened to speak, but her mind failed her as her heart had done. She was speechless with all the unspoken loss.

Moments passed, with only the waves and sunlight moving in the scene of their lives. Tom looked away to the sun before looking back into Tessa’s eyes. His chest inhaled a deep breath, before speaking in a low, dark tone. “The car is coming to get us in about an hour. The plane will be waiting to take us back. I’ve packed everything but your toiletries and a set of clothes for you.”

Tessa’s mouth shut as tears began to well. Her mind was running while her stomach was busy churning. Her heart thumped against her ribs forcing pain to radiate from within, as though something inside was painfully dying. She tore her eyes from him to stare at the sand, getting lost for a moment in the irony of the gentle waves rolling in to wash away any proof she was even standing there. She had made her bed, now, she must lie in it.

With a subtle defiance, Tessa raised her head to meet his steely glare. She took a deep breath before speaking clearly over the noise of the sea. “Thank you. I’ll be ready when the car gets here.” She smiled politely, just to rub the salt in the wound, before stepping away to make her hastily exit from the heartbreaking scene.

Tom watched as she strolled away, seemingly unaffected at all. If it wasn’t for that one moment, when he had seen her tears collect, he would not have believed that she was ever truly stripped bare. But as always, Tessa never kept her guard down for longer than a moment at a time. He had lived for those moments before, but now, little chances, little moments, they were no longer enough. He needed all of her or nothing. If this was what she has chosen, he would unhappily give it to her.

The car arrived on time; the trip was silent with Tom unable to make direct eye contact with Tessa. He could see, her defenses were up and secured. He felt the stab of guilt in his heart while his mind tried relentlessly to remind him that what he was doing was for the best. They had both made their intentions clear; she had made it clear that she did not want what he did. That was all there was to it. He had only hastened their departure to save himself and Tessa from two more days of pain. He would be the bad guy, and save her from his kind of love.

As always, Tom was a perfect gentleman while loading into the plane. Out of habit, he walked over to Tessa, reaching to secure her belt. Immediately he was stopped with a glare that could have melted glaciers in the South Pole. She was his ice queen again. Closed and locked down. He straightened himself, collected his somber look before crossing the aisle to sit across from her. A few minutes passed as they took off with the unspoken words in the air unable to weigh the plane down, the cabin leveled itself and each one took a large breath as their fate seemed to be sealed.

Hours later, they were landing. Tessa slowed her walk down the steps of the plane, suddenly confused about what would be next. Her feet hit the concrete and she stares at the glistening tarmac. With the sun warming the solid mass to a near boiling temperature, Tessa’s skin is immediately aware of the temperature difference from the last week of her life. She’s lost in thought when she sees Tom’s shadow settle next to hers. The reflection serves as a remind her of the distance between their souls, their minds, and that love that once was.

“Tessa. There is a car waiting for you. It’ll take you, where ever you want to go.” Tom squeezed his jaw, his throat suddenly dry with a raw feeling sticking to each one of his words. “You’ll be free in two days. You’ll get a check for what’s owed.” He swallowed hard against thick drippings of disgust and finality in this conversation.

Tessa shook her head lightly, as though awakening her own mind from a dream. Or maybe, just for a second she also had realized the reality that now awaited her. Her reflex reaction caused her face to smile before she whispered a thank you. Unable to look him in the eye, she turns from him and walks away from all of it. She steps slowly, as tears begin to gather, the storms in her eyes calling for a down pour. A kind older gentleman is there to open her door and gather her bag. She’s dazed as the car pulls away and the older man speaks.

Tessa doesn’t hear him; she just whispers the name of a local hotel. She doesn’t care where she ends up, as long as when she gets there, this feeling ends. She needs the next two days to collect her thoughts, collect her mind, and decide on a clear path to go forth. The thought brings more tears, each one collecting on her sleeves, her blouse, and her jeans. She shifts in the seat while staring out the window, focusing on each breath, in and out. It’s the only way she’ll stay alive. She has to breathe.

Suddenly the car came to a stop and her door was opening. She dried her tears before stepping out, sliding her sunglasses, like a mask, into place. She never dared to show anyone her real feelings. She would check in with her head held high, and wait out her fate.

Read Chapter 21 Now 

romance, Uncategorized

Sweet Little Musings December 2018

sweet little musings cover art wordpress

Finishes always follow Starts

it is what lies in between

that thrums thru our hearts


 

The strength of His love

The power of His words

The complete Oneness of Our souls

i am in awe of what is all consuming

i pray to never lose it


 

the magic of His love

the heart in His soul

the knowledge of both

is something i’ve never known


 

I never had a clue

when you stormed into my room

that it was just the start

of the “never ending” part.


i do not leave

i do not say goodbye

just to hurt you

or make you cry

i don’t give up

because i am weak

i give this away

because

i need to be me


 

when you look at me

i feel brand new

when you touch me

i feel the love

i could never see

when you hold me

i know that it’s real

when your soul speaks

it teaches mine to feel


 

many do speak

but few actually know

what lurks inside

this dark soul

bits & pieces

that’s all some see

but i know somewhere

what’s deep down inside of me

all that’s unseen

shall soon come to light

on that sweet day

i win this fight


 

what is truly amazing

is how you know me

even when i don’t

know myself


 

This New Year won’t start like any other

because for once

my dark pit

has a small

shining

light

don’t cry alone

don’t wish all was gone

change what you can

finally take a stand

be who you are

accept all your flaws

reach out when you need

don’t forget to grieve

say goodbye

& leave


 

there is Never a moment

when You are Not on my mind

don’t ever doubt it

don’t ever be blind

it is for Us

we struggle & strive


 

please indulge me

but one tear

please let me feel

all this fear

please let me touch

your heart my love

please let my words

show you enough

please let my actions

prove how much

you have changed

all i was


 

As their limbs intertwined

Their sweet soft sighs

Echoed in a rhyme

Their heartbeats climbed

& their lips kissed so sublime

In those moments

They were lost in time

They knew that

This Beginning

Could have No End


 

My heart is misplaced

So is my soul

All that is left

Is this empty shell

I think someone stole it

Whatever was there

Maybe I sold it

When I didn’t care

Either way I know

It left long ago


 

No one could see

But why would they

She lives in a world

Of her own making

The night is her lover

The day but her demon

Why should she wake

Just to stop dreaming


 

the starlight

of my nights

shines in

your bright eyes


shining bright

shown with

these white lights

my heart is full

for all to view


Your kiss

is my bliss

Your lips

make me wish

for days filled

with all this


my heart

is alight

burning so bright

with a love

that brightens

any dark night


wrapped in lights

wrapped in love

their hot nights

surely will live on

as their kisses warm

their skin

& the love

glows from within


You have

All the parts

No one wanted

Therefore

You get

To the places

They could

Never feel


Candle light

Bounces against my skin

Music streams

Filling the soft space with

Thoughts of sin

Finding a peace

Hidden within

As thoughts of you

Fill my dreams


Don’t let

Time or space

Replace

Anyone’s face

Memories are gifts

Reminders of what

We miss

Stay the course

And make more


You get

What you give

Don’t live

In someone else’s dreams

Don’t let them

Rip your seams

Be who you are

And have no more fears


Apologies if you can’t see

My words

Are where my heart bleeds

My syllables

Are my memories

My notes

Are my melodies

Listen closer

One day

You’ll feel it

Or sink deep down

Into my pit


You say

I’m bad at love

I just think

You’ve never had

Love like mine


Take the moon

The sun

And the stars

Take the fear

The worry

The scars

Take what I was

Make me anew

Let me breathe

And find the strength

To pull thru


Dare someone to say

You are not pretty

In any way

It just means

They are blind

To endless kindness

They are deaf

To those who care

They are ignorant

To what bliss is

Don’t go

Jumping off

Their cliffs


 

You see

When others

Are blind to me

You hear

When others

Decided to fear

You stand strong

When others

Couldn’t stay long

You believe

When I

Just can’t be


 

My words are not gems

They have no value

Until you read them

They are strings

Notes from my heart

Dear fears

That dare to taunt

Haunt me night and day

Until too weary to stay

Then like a bird

I chirp once twice

Until they are heard

Thoughts of broken wings

Memories

That sing


There is no

Us or them

There is only

Where We begin

And We never end


All You do

All You are

Is everything

I’ve never

Search for

But Always needed


Near or far

Bright or dark

Its Your

Hand that

Holds mine

Your smile

That meets

My eyes

Your love

Helps me

To survive


You are no knight

You do not shield me

From the cruel world

You just

Hold me when

It comes crashing down


It’s Your hand

I seek

When in

My darkest pit


We live in the chaos of emotions & storms.

We sit in the silence, watching the fire burn.

We smile & laugh at the habits of the lost.

We listen as the blind scream tortuously.

We dare to only see our madness.

We are aware of only our breaths.


His volcano

stirred her chaos

like fire & ice

His darkness

to her light

each bending, blending

into a lovely string

of bright red stripes

marks of lust & ownership

a desperation for the #pain

smothered with insanity

but please

let us do the dance again


You are with me

when i sleep

when i dream

You are with me

when i cry

when i wonder why

You are with me

when i smile

when i laugh

You are with me

when the demons

come crashing

You are with me

because U can be

because i let U

for there is no

greater Trust

i Have It In You


My Friendship is Free.

It does not Cost me

even one penny

to be Real.

All I need

is someone

who will

Be Real back

to Me.

Friendship

is love,

kindness

& a desire

to struggle above

the haters, the fakers,

& those

with no Real Love.


 

be my candle

be my light

be what burns

so bright

be my fire

be my sight

be what gives me

all my might

be my heart

be my home

be the one

who never leaves

me alone

be my dark

be my demon

be the cage

i dare live in

be my days

be my nights

be the one

who allows me

to fly


 

our love is like

a snowflake

drifting in the wind

waiting to land

on our soft skin

unique & peaceful

like salty tears

that dare to lay still

melting only

when our thoughts

land firmly &

in each other’s hearts

we live fully


 

oh what tranquility

& peace

one can feel

while

the rain drops

fall so silently

cleansing a soul

so mightily


cheer up

dear heart

feel the magic

& the spark

let go of the past

let it drown

with all that is sad

forget your fears

wipe away your tears

join the living

let go of the cliff

grab onto me

i’ll let you lean


what a large wound

left bleeding & broken

where did it come from

how did i not know it

it had been there

but i never showed it

it was bandaged

but left unhealed

like some sad seal

never given time to scar over

just left there

to remind myself

of what how not to care


They say I must change.

They say I must make amends.

They say I am wrong.

They say I am false.

They say, they speak.

I get so tired of hearing it.

One day I’ll leap

& They will be

the ones left to reap.


there’s a monster

hiding in my heart

a beast that drags

& pulls me apart

it’s filled with anger

& spits poisoned thoughts

it’s madness

is what makes me drown

it’s chains & ropes

are what keeps me down

i try to fight

but i’ll never win

as long as it

lives within


 

lost in a trance

let our bodies dance

with our minds

wrapped around

what could be

with what

we should see

but life doesn’t seem

to allow dreams

to flourish into

our realities

but for now

let us just be


it was right there

the words that i dare

to spill, to speak

but nothing

seemed to creep up

only a sigh

a blush

a frying of

the mind

with eyes wide


my hand

on your cheek

with your kisses

make me forget

my miseries


love is

no sprint

love is

a long game

love is

understanding

love is

careful planning

love is

not just the heart

love is

a million thoughts

love is

you

love is

me

love is

the power of WE


he smiled

he ran wild

he chased the sun

he slept with the moon

he wore everyone out

he tried to spit & spout

he worried everyone about

he tried again & again

to make them see

but when he

cried wolf that last time

there was no one there

to hear him cry


They had no use for words

only emotions were disturbed

with a look, a sigh

They knew there would be

no goodbyes

just Time


The frost nips

at the tip

of her nose

while walking in

so many shadows.

Merry sounds

emanate from

those around

but for her

this time is

not a happy one.

The snow is

just a reminder of

a time when

her heart was

warm & full

instead of

dead & cold.


see my heart

watch it race

at this seemingly

unsteady pace

see me smile

like some child

with a secret hidden

deep down

tapping fingers

& knocking knees

the patience now

all gone with the breeze


 

my sweet fantasy

my devastating reality

my heart & soul

watch me unfold

my songs, my lyrics

my tempo, my spirit

my lies, my truth

watch me lose you

my bad timing

my delicate reminding

my sorrow-filled sighs

watch me miss you


I’m a million people

I am no one

I’m a heart that is broken

I’m a soul that is hidden

I am me

I am not who I want to be

I’m a foolish kid

I’m an old hag

I’m lost

I’m found

I’m a queen

I’m a servant

I’m nothing

While being everything


 

when i can’t breathe

i know

you are my air

when i can’t sleep

i know

you are waiting

in my dreams

when i can’t see

i know

you are my clarity

my vision for me

when i can’t be there

i know

you hold us close enough

for the both of us


the ghost of my memories

haunts me daily

creeps into my dreams

& makes me waver

taints my every word

marks my every move

the ghost lives in the past

making me trudge along my path

it is a weight

i carry on my back

one day it’ll be there

in my last breath


 

you treated me like dirt

i said don’t worry

you showed me nothing but hurt

i said i could handle it

you told me i was wrong

i tried to make it right

you said i don’t belong

i stayed to fight

you did horrible things

i took the stings

after all that was done

i realize

i was nothing


i loved

you didn’t

i cared

you took advantage

i tried

you didn’t bother

i cried

you made me feel crazy

i wanted more

you were happy with nothing

i did my best

you wanted to change me

after all these years

I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU


all that was never said

stays hidden within

all that was never written

stays beneath our thick skin

all that goes undone

gets erased with the sun

all that we love

dissipates with the fog


 

don’t ask me why

i sit & cry

don’t ask me when

i’ll dare to move again

don’t ask me how

i’ll find a way out

don’t ask me who

broke what i knew

the answer is me

that’s all it will be

the answer is now

turn away that frown

the answer is dark

i have no more spark

this is me

& who i will be


don’t forget me

he whispers as he leaves

don’t remember how

he left you shattered with fear

don’t ask why

he dares to say goodbye

don’t bother trying

he won’t see you crying


there’s no where to go

no where left to hide

nothing stops all the motions

swirling inside

wrap up in the tornado

let the hurricane howl

grab some blankets

i’ll be here for a while


Make me believe

all the words you say.

Show me how

you’re gonna stay.


life is pain

with all this strain

as our tears

do a soulful refrain

time goes by

w/out a sound

all too late

we seem to have found

what makes life

so damn hard

are the pieces & shards

the memories & dreams

with reality tearing

at our seams

we are left with nothing

but our screams


so out of my league

i whisper as he

smiles so sexy

looking at me

i don’t how long

i don’t know when

but 1 day i’m sure

you’ll see

me for me

then you’ll know

where i don’t belong

right here

in your arms

you’ll smile 1 day

as you wave bye bye

& i’ll be left

to sit & cry


emotions do flow

but where do these tears go

hidden under a mask

just for the show

smile for the crowd

let them laugh aloud

don’t let them know

it is for yourself

you go

don’t let them see

what belongs to only me

but strut if you can

that is the only plan

do what you must

before you are dust


words are magical

actions are mystical

but meanings are reality

with or without such sanity

talk talk talk

let’s do do do

come try to see me

thru & thru


the night dark

the day so gray

walking alone

trying to stay warm

winter beating

against my face

my heart begging

for the summer’s taste

all this darkness

seems never ending

bring your candle close

i need illumination


dream a little

dream of me

make it sweet

& delightfully neat

dream of naughty things

dream of sweet tingling

or make it hot & sweaty

the sense of mood so heady

let your dreams

be filled with my scent

let your mind

be filled with my intent

dream a little dream

but don’t forget me


without the rain

she would still drown

without the sun

she would still frown

without the moon

she would still swoon

without the stars

she would fall apart

but without Him

she’d never live again


These hard days

they are nothing

without the sun rays

These hard nights

they are nothing

without you

holding me tight

These hard times

they are nothing

without the love

you’ve shown me


 

He said

she was a jewel,

just covered in dust.

She said

he was sunlight,

just covered in darkness.


where is the comfort

where is your heart

where is this love

for which we fought

where are the words

where are the emotions

where are the promises

we made

laying in state somewhere

broken

where was today

where was tomorrow

where was this past

now that it’s

long gone


 

Comfort in Your eyes

Comfort in Your voice

Comfort in the Peace

You do afford me

Comfort in the Words

Comfort in the Meaning

Comfort is the Dream

i keep dreaming

Comfort is a state of Mind

Comfort is One of a kind

Comfort is when the Soul finds

its Matching Piece


what is this commitment

who says those vows

are our hearts

not the vessels of

our love

do they not

lead us thru

like lanterns do

glowing like candles

thru the thick of it

flickering thru wind

& the ebb & flow

as we descend

but what of us

those words

what do we trust


The evidence is clear

It stands right here

Holding on tight

Our minds do fight

But what a sight

When we least are reminded

That evidence rings true

There is no more proof

You’ve completely lost

YOU


Wrapped up in what was

Wrapped up in what will be

Wrapped up in You

Wrapped around me

the heart does beat

while the breath we breathe

ticks along with the clocks we see

and oh how we feel

while our hearts do heal

but oh the mind

it tries to steal


this disbelief

this aching in me

this time i’ve spent

these words i’ve said

all of it meant

something or nothing

either way

the disbelief stays


promises promises

words live on

in memories

plans made

go undone

shards cut

from broken hearts

vows said

only to be broken

threads sewn

only to be torn

promises promises

without a care

for the unknown


What Makes Me Who I Am

my pain

my scars

my shame

my smile

my voice

my name

my love

my hurt

my needs

my life

my breath

my strife

my tongue

my lips

my fingertips

my soul

my sight

my mind

I am ME

There is no Copy

I am Uniquely

Qualified to Speak

For Only ME

Be True Be You


i miss you

just doesn’t cover it

i need you

just doesn’t touch the mark

i want you

is just not enough

i love you

is what no one wants

i crave you

is just a bunch of lust

i HAVE you

there

that’s it

you HAVE me

well nothing

touches that


tears are only pain

spilled in liquid refrains

no need for shame

we are all human remains

cry if you can

allow them to flow

& when there is no more

wipe your face & go


I Gave&Gave

you just wasted it

I’ll move on now

While you sit & frown

I’ll live free

While you shit on me

I’ll chase my dreams

While you keep wishing

Ain’t that a kick

Thought you had me

& then you DIDN’T

Thought you knew me

& then i changed

Thought you could break me

But now

you’re the broken one


all those words

i never dared to say

all those emotions

i hid quietly away

all these things

i’ve kept to myself

never knowing

what harm they cause

my closed mouth

my hidden scars

only served

to hide my heart

now it’s to the point

where do i even start


the life

you want

is in you

time to

let it out

shine brighter

than any sun

glow lighter

than any moon

travel your mind

& do what you do

smile instead of frown

& change your mood

have faith

have hope

you know

your worth


She was unsure. But He wasn’t.

She was confused. But He knew better.

She was nervous. But He soothe her fears.

She wasn’t worthy. But He knew she was.

She didn’t deserve love. But He would give it.


 

adrift

in a sea

of uncertainty

swimming against

the currents

of my feelings

no life jacket

no one around

just the tides

of change

& loneliness

as the sun sets

on the span

of my life

i float

& wonder why

& ask if

my tears

could be

such a big

ocean

just for me


 

fettered to a life

she no longer could live

chained to a love

that no longer existed

bound to a world

that never understood her

forced to make decisions

no one ever should have

but still

she breathed


 

give me your sadness

it’s your madness i crave

sing me your song

it’ll be the dance of my days

share your moonlight

i promise to be your stars

show me your clouds

i’ll rain upon your shores

share your heart

i won’t make you bleed

promise your soul

i’ll take it with ease


as the moonlight

creeps along the floor

night birds sing

a song of love&more

the bed is cold tonight

while she craves his touch

her mind wanders & drifts

to her other love

her fingers move along

crisp white paper

allowing her emotions to flow

thru the ink for you to savor


 

i walk my Own steps

you don’t have to go with me

i take my Own journeys

you don’t have to join

i make my Own decisions

you don’t have to like them

i have my Own life

you don’t have to live it

I DO


She knew what she was

Her family she loved

She smiled each day

No matter the games life played

She had children

Who adored her with precision

She had a sense of humor

No matter rainy weather

Now she goes to be With her love

Bye bye sweet lady

You always made my day


age is but a number they say

as time slowly ticks away

lost memories don’t stay

as we move & sway

let the tears fall down

let the fears fade away

let our sorrows drown

but here on earth

we get to stay


death comes to us all

eventually we all fall

mourners dressed in black

with words that no longer attack

tears fall as they will

we all bend to fate’s ill

6 feet under

ashes blow asunder

cover the casket n concrete

soul shall never seep

bury her next to her love

forever together

rest above


your hand in mine

a life so sublime

my all for yours

a world full of joys

smiles that know no endings

a late life full of new beginnings

though the seas churn

our love never adjourns

though the wind howls

to each other we will bow

rest easy sweet love

our time will come


I was born

in the wrong place

I live in

the wrong space

I do not belong

here or there

even

when or where

I float as some droplet

flying thru the air

No one can catch me

No one could stare

No one will enclose me

They do not dare

I am but the breeze

I will never fit easily


To The Ladies

who stand strong

no matter the storms

who love no matter

how hard it gets

who believe their worth

even when they don’t

who give & give

no matter the cost

who make the world spin

with their minds & sins

who give loyalty & respect

even to those who don’t appreciate


nobody thought i would

nobody thought i could

nobody knew my pain

nobody saw my shame

nobody understood

nobody cared

nobody almost killed me

nobody will never stop me


Please don’t lie to me

Please dare to be true

Please love me like You do

Please share when You cry

Please care when I don’t

Please hold me in the dark

Please let me wipe away UR tears

Please don’t lose sight

Please lets not fight

Please ask when You don’t know

Please let me know


all the colors blend

while fading

into some space

our hearts

claim our thoughts

but the colors mend

bring it all in

gather us together

to live better


travel my curves

hills of my body

run along the valleys

drag your finger

across soft lands

don’t forget to linger

along the bands

lick the salt

from sticky mounds

appreciate the depth

i hold in my sounds

never forget

this body is Yours

i’ll never weep

as our travel adjourns


Travel the sea, the lands & swamps

Looking for something that I want

Round & round I go

Never knowing the end

Up & down I travel

Not realizing where I’ve been

Searching for something

Though I don’t know what

One day I may find it

One day I may not


nobody can know

no one would dare see

just how this world

can corrupt you & me

words that get tossed

while emotions r lost

we argue fuss & fight

while so many have such plights

we all need to remember

we inhabit this earth

there should be no one or the other

just All of US


All the colors of the world

& so many live in black & white

All the many faces

who can’t see the light

All the lines

that cross this space

Nothing & no one

can replace any race


Please

it’s just a word

Please

sometimes it’s all that’s heard

Please

gets you everything they say

Please

it’s how so many beg or pray

Please

can turn into pleas

Please

can fill the air&trees

Please

can soothe an aching heart

Please

can stop things from falling apart


falling off a cliff

that’s what they say love is

circling the drain

that’s how they hide the pain

better late than never

we can survive this weather

left by the waist side

that’s how love dies

so many cliches

so many words to say

but none are done so well for me

except LOVE it be


that raven hair

those blue eyes

matching each word

with no disguise

tit for tat

back & forth

who’s left keeping score

when two hearts met

melted into one mind

full of desires

there was always something there

hidden in the shadows


She was an angel

Of that there was no doubt

She was the devil

Always made you scream & shout

She was a hurricane

Whipping & tossing things about

She was a tornado

Ripping away layers of your mouth

She was the sun

the moon & the stars

She was eternity

She was All Yours


You are lost to me now

There’s no need for that scowl

You screwed the pooch

Don’t be a mooch

You said the wrong things

You followed it with stings

You had me once

Now you’re just a dunce

I wave goodbye

As you sit and cry

Lost out on a good one

Now you’ll have nothing


She’s strong enough

She doesn’t have to have you

She’s brighter than the sun

She doesn’t have to have the darkness

She’s wilder than the wind

She doesn’t have to have the rain

She’s magic can’t you see

She chooses to be fragile beneath

She won’t act for you

But you must be true


I won’t take it anymore

I won’t fake another smile

not even to settle the score

I won’t say it sweetly

I won’t lie to make you feel

I won’t do it for you

I won’t do it for me

I won’t do it so you’ll see

I won’t say those words

not to you again

I won’t be your fool

I’ll just go now


Mementos

Trinkets with no value

Key chains

Bookmarks

T-shirts

Shoes & socks

Postcards

Pictures

that never get developed

Memories are what

lives within

Sights & smells

Tastes & the feels

Nails in your hair

Touch of skin

Time that ticked

on & on again

Give me All of them


closed fists

can’t be this

opening your hand

leads you to another land

smiles lead to cries

winks fall away with blinks

but no matter the travails

there is love out there

it abounds


She had a house but her heart had no home

She had worn it out some time ago

She looked she searched without an idea

Of where or how or even when

Until 1 day, she set upon a course

That would lead her to a special place

She figured how 1 night alone

Her heart was her home


Those who read my silence

often miss my meaning

Those who read my words

often miss the feeling

Those who truly learn

don’t miss the beating

it is my heart you see

never stop believing

what you are reading


she had worth

or so she was told

she never felt it

not against the cold

she never believed it

when it was just said

she never knew it

until one day

she felt her own strength

she gathered her scars

then made her own way

a path to the stars


just wait

take a breath

don’t move

not just yet

take it in

smile at the sun

cry in the wind

but please

don’t run

let it sweep you up

let it take you away

let the sun set

for the dawn to break

this is just 1 day

another is yet to begin

you can make it

until then

don’t doubt

what you feel


words do but rhyme

somewhere hidden in my mind

they flow from finger tips

as i share them with you tweeps

i write what i want

i write what i feel

i write for you

but mainly

write for my freedom

escape as i might

even for a short respite

enjoy if you will

lest they

become a shield



I’m a big flirt.

I talk a lot of shit.

I’m sad most days.

I’m naughty always.

I’m treading the edge.

But my leash holds me steady.

I don’t follow ordinary rules.

But I do follow His.

I’m one in a million

One of Those Girls you wish for.

Don’t try to be ME.


you didn’t have me at hello

you took me oh so slow

you caressed my emotions

you felt all my devotion

you sensed i needed something true

you felt me so deeply

thru & thru

you did as you do

stood sturdy

you are no fool

& when i finally believed you

all my dreams came true


give me your music

your words

your soul

hand them on over

& i’ll use them i know

give me your pain

your strife

your heartaches

i’ll turn them into words

so you can really feel them

give me your all

i’ll use to a fault

give me what you got

& i’ll steal your soul


you should’ve done better

when you had her

you should’ve held on tighter

when she cried showers

you should’ve understood her

when she spoke to ya

you should’ve done much more

but you didn’t

now she’s gone with the wind

& you are left crying instead


don’t bother

with i love you’s

don’t smother

what we can be

love can die out

love can fly away

say i’m yours instead

say you won’t leave

no matter the changes

say our souls

touch in a way

that makes the sun blush

& the moon sway

say it again & again

say it so

it can’t be denied


The timing was off

The song had been sung

Life handed us the score

Fate had to just win

We fought it

Like people do

In the end

There was just

No One To Blame


i go un-felt, untouched, unloved

like some ink blot

my heart is a smudge

i travel the earth

not knowing where i belong

i live thru my words

although they unravel

i travel thru time zones

knowing what matters

my heart guides me truly

leads me to where You’ll be


i’m just in a state right now

can’t believe no one can tell

or see the changes i’m making

i don’t expect anyone to understand them

but i’m not going back to where i was

i’m not gonna settle for less than i deserve

that’s my verdict


it’s only you

who sees me

it’s only for you

that i don’t flee

it’s only you

that fills my time

it’s only for you

that i rhyme


for all that was

for all that will be

let us just stop for one moment

just you & me

hold my hand

the end draws near

kiss me one more time

let’s have no fear

the dawn breaks

as the moon disappears

let us hold each other now

& eternity we’ll share


I hide all the time

It’s from being scared inside

I run from what hurts

It’s from feeling no worth

I smile thru tears

Because of so many fears

I’m lost to myself

Until You showed me my wealth

I begin to believe

Because You proved it to me

I’m now embraced

By the smile on Your face


times may be tough

we both get so lost

life gets rough

we question what was

fate stands in the way

but we will seek a brighter day

no matter the rain

we are both here to stay


when no one else listens

you hear my words

when i can’t manage to mention

you can feel my thoughts

when my mouth has no words

you sense the worst

when i just need to be held

you arms are my solace


the mind

how it thrives

the soul

lives on inside

while the heart

is dead from pride

the body

tries to survive

but what is left

is just soft sighs