it was her inevitable reality
to walk alone
shrouded in carnality
it was her path
to douse & dance
filling the empty sound
with soft sighs
letting quick breaths abound
drowning in sin
letting the past
wash away with the tides
arising from the ashes
a Phoenix did abide
Do not chase money
My dear boy
If you are to chase anything
Let it be peace, love & joy
Live always
True to your heart
Don’t let the obsession
For material things
Ruin your soul
Walk your own course
Dance to your own drum
Be happy & be loved
I’ll watch you
From up above
Her words were hypnotic
Her voice even more so
Her hands skidded thru his hair
Giving comfort to his soul
He couldn’t help but worship her
Accepting all the love that was shown
Her knew that he would be Hers
Forever now
Because for him
His heart was lost long ago
she danced with fire
she held the flame
she whispered words
& then she sang
she was a goddess
a free spirit
she was the Phoenix
you had heard the lyrics
she was a mystery
that no one could solve
she was that beauty
no one ever knew of
I’m sorry
That I believed you
I’m sorry
That I placed trust in you
I’m sorry
That I tried so hard
I’m sorry
That you lied for so long
I’m sorry
That I couldn’t break thru
I’m sorry
That I ever met you
I’m sorry
That my love wasn’t enough
I’m sorry
That it was you that I loved
Listen
To the silence
The soft whispers
Of the past
Listen
To the emptiness
Lonely hearts
Gone amiss
Listen
To the tears
Sweeping down
The soft cheeks
Listen
To the words
That go unspoken
& never heard
Listen
To the fall
A soul is lost
Never to be found
His soul
Beckoned to me
I could feel his heart
& every time
That he breathed
He was broken
Just like me
But unable to distinguish
His own feelings
I knew what is was
His was the other half
Of my heart
But then I woke to realize
I’d been dreaming
Of the past
Words are just words
Mere adjectives & verbs
Strung together into prose
Silly or sad poems
They can be
A leaking heart
Or mere random thought
Occasionally
They give way
To a breach in the wall
Or a glimmer in a soul
But words are just words
What else would they be
Surely not
All you see in me
He said I was special
& how could he lie
He said I was beautiful
But I was too shy
He said I was a gifted writer
Then he stopped reading my words
He said that he loved me
I looked him in the eyes
It wasn’t until he left me
Did I finally see his disguise
My face hit the floor
As I begged & implored
You did not desist
Wanting to teach
Me a lesson
With your fists
Well bloodied
You did persist
Showing me again & again
I was insignificant
Because of your ego
You did commence
Let the tears roll
From the depths of my soul
Fear feeds the pain
Of what is left here to remain
Let the night
Come & consume me
The terrors that haunt
Tease & taunt me
The fears close in
& are etched in my skin
I was but
A speck of
Insignificance
All the time
All that was
Wouldn’t be
What was to come
Memories fade
As love does
Like a sun ray
When the night storms come
All that was lost
Shall never be found
Like a rain drop
Seeps into the ground
I gathered boxes
Filled them one by one
Wiped away the dust
Knowing soon I’d be gone
Taped them up tight
Soon I’ll be taking flight
Leaving what was my Hell
Moving forward to a new jail
I carried each one
Into the great beyond
Never again to know your touch
This is Divorce
He consumed my time
Wasted the moments
He consumed my mind
Trampled on my walls
He consumed my heart
Then ripped it apart
He consumed my world
Took me to hell & beyond
Until I was a ghost
& chose to be long lost
There were
no more words
Her soul had flown
away like the winter birds
Nothing left
to give or regret
Just some parting songs
soft sad melodies
of a time when she belonged
Farewell farewell
the sun dissipates the shadows
Farewell farewell
I no longer breathe
in these catacombs
So tempted
to be weak
She was but
Shy & meek
So tempted
to be strong
She smiled
& went along
So tempted
to be true
She held tight
thru & thru
So tempted
to be found
She strongly
stood her ground
So tempted
to be lost
Because her heart
she had tossed
She fashioned herself
into a strong woman
so that no one
would realize
she was only
pieces of one
battered and broken
never to become more
than love’s sad token.
Time held the power
Of healing a heart shattered
Mending the scars
That no longer mattered
Repairing the walls
That had been battered
Hard work & determination
Had caused such ruination
Of a long lost dream
That tore reality’s seams
But it was time
That would heal
History would
& did repeat
the bombs dropped
evil yet not defeated
the clouds became blood red
as the skin slid from hands & heads
only dust was left
no hope for the rest
this is the world
we had made for ourselves
the muscle had torn
sinews ripped by the thorns
echoes rippled against the walls
as tears fell & poured
this was not the life for me
it had become all I could see
now I turn away from it all
the leap
before the fall
Hello my future
Goodbye my past
This is me
Looking at you
From the other side
It was a hard road
I carried a tough load
But now I’m here
& there are no smiles
No cheers
Just further to go
The rains became snows
I trudge along
Hearing only
Whispers of a dark song
If they
Were meant to stay
It would happen
If they
Were meant to go
Wave goodbye & know
There’s something better
Waiting around the corner
Get good
At saying
Goodbye
You’ll say it many many times
& you’ll learn
To move on
His lie
Wasn’t against the law
There was no court
That would convict his heart
But he knew
Just how morally wrong
His false words were
And when all was known
He ran like
The little scared bitch
He really was
Open up wide
There’s no reason to hide
You are not who you were
These scars will no longer hurt
You’ll heal soon enough
Stand up straight
Be tough
Retrace the scars
Of my broken heart
Remembering how
It tore & fell apart
The memories remain
As does the pain
My voice is but a refrain
Of a soul lost
But still is claimed
I could
Retrace my steps
Figure out
Just when & where
I made the mistake
How I let
My heart get
Bogged down
Falling in love
With your frown
Getting lost
In all you weren’t
When the dream
Failed to be
Our reality
If I could
I would
But I can’t
So I won’t
I’ll just let it
Haunt
it’s one of those days
when I turn the music way up
dance around
in my underwear
and dream of better times
when I was free
and I could rhyme
slip into the comfort of a life
that’s meant to be
what I want
today is just one of those days
when I dance
and let it melt away
I feel it in my bones
deep in my marrow
I’m not who I’m supposed to be
& this sorrow
I share with you
I have been everything
To everyone & every being
But not what I was meant to be
I cannot see
I cannot feel
I’m an earthly shell of a human
& in this heart
No love is brewing
I will not
Sell my soul
For all the falsities
That you’ve told
Beware of those
Smooth speaking devil’s
They might lead you
To a Hell
That you never wanted to be in
Life is no path
Filled with
Blue skies & rain
It is but a tunnel
You are as far in
As you are out
Where dim light reins
& no candles burn
You either walk forward
Or run backwards
And when
She had reached the End
There was no door
She could see
Nowhere to run
Nowhere to Be
She searched
High & low
But it was
The last place
She had to go
he said my poems were jejune
quite unrealistic & boring
he said I didn’t know
how to use my words
& that he couldn’t stand
to read them
he said I was ignorant
he said I was foolish
he said he said
I’m so glad
I learned to ignore him
There was an
Unspeakable bond
Between these souls
That extended
Into the great beyond
Something so subtle
A whisper muddled
Support & confidence
That made them
Such dear friends
No words were ever
So necessary
Sometimes it was just
A hug
Sent thru the virtual box
He said that I had potential.
I wondered what he meant.
Until I did submit.
And to a new world,
I did commit.
At some point
My whole heart
Will be nothing but
Scar tissue
Wonder if that
Will make it hard enough
So that it won’t break
Depression is a dark pit
That corrodes the mind
In which it sits
Etches away parts of you
Sending you deeper
& obscuring your view
Fractures the reality
Creates unreasonable fantasies
Pushing your heart down
Into the depths of Hell
Be careful
You soon will drown
I don’t want a thing
I want everything
The passion
The mystery
The sighs & moans
That create the fantasies
The soft touches
That say I love ya
The sweet taste
Of your tongue
That hugs me
The comfort
The desire
The subtle laughs
That I admire
I want it all
In time
- NO
- It couldn’t be true.
But there it was, the proof.
I blinked & tears fell from my shock.
He had lied all this time.
But there it was in black & white.
I looked away trying to believe it wasn’t true.
But when I looked back all I saw was you.
this is the day
my day
I would say
to spread my light
be so very bright
until the rains
made me lose sight
Never Enough
Never too good
Always too much
Always too late
Never early enough
Just missed the train
The plane won’t take off
Always walking alone
Even when the world is full of love
Never to be heard
No matter how loud the notes
Always seen in a dream
Reality breaks seams
it was not the weather
that gave her pleasure
it was not the sea
that made her be
it was not the hard rock
that made her soft
it was but the peace
she felt in her heart
lost in a crowd
a sea of loud sounds
standing alone
in this world we know
people push & shove
their voices are rough
each on their own path
never looking back
they are but a hoard
lonely & bored
marching with purpose
to settle scores
I wasn’t searching when you found me
I’m not looking cause you left me
I won’t be scouring again tomorrow
I’ll just write out all this sadness & sorrow
I keep thinking that it’s just me
Until I sing the notes in the right key
Take my hand
Be my guide
Lead me thru
This living hell
So that we survive
my strength is my sword
my heart is my shield
I am a book you can’t read
but only FEEL
I dance in the fire
Carry the flames within my soul
Dousing the world
With words never told
Mystical & magical
The masses are so easily sold
But what do they see
When they read my prose
A Phoenix
A Queen
A Soft Southern Being
A Fake but forged with the sunlight’s stream
As the hour ticks by
There is no more time
To sit & cry
Dawn is here for my soul
Stealing away all that I have known
My dreams lead me astray
But in this new day
I just may
Find a new reality
To combat my humanity
Be off dear moon
I will see you soon
Challenge me
With your wit
Change the image
On which I sit
Churn the tornado
That’s in my head
Chase the wind
In which my heart spins
Chastise the Brat
That giggles & grins
C
H
A
L
L
E
N
G
E
Me….if you dare
Little whispers
Little cries
Little actions
Little sighs
Little mementos
Little tries
Little hearts
Little minds
Little treasures
Little finds
Little pieces
Little time
Hold my heart
Within your hands
Do not mind
The tears or nails
It is but battered
Bruised & confused
But it still beats
Although
It was not well used
The vibrations of my heart
Caused a huge shift
& the sea began to part
I was stretched to the edge
Peering off some ledge
Into an abyss
The darkness of what lives
Deep into the unknown
The fear crept into my soul
Until I slipped a foot off the soil
& leaped into the deep fold
Loving you
Was my fault
Lying to me
Was yours
I could share
But
I don’t feel like it
I could show you
But
I won’t
I could speak the truth
But
I wouldn’t dare to
I could…
A tickle to a twinge
A sigh to a heavy breath
A moan to a weak growl
Tied up & twisted
Fighting with
The last bit of resistance
When a crescendo erupted
That made the world
Pause in wonder
Igniting a fire that delighted
Every inch of
What was once smited
Only to be met with a smile
I fell in love with him
And then
He treated my heart
As though it was a sin
The demons do rage
Telling you
There’s nothing left to save
Give up & give in
You are nothing but sin
Darkness prevails
Thru these trials & travails
Let them engulf you
For hate is all they spew
Life is but an adventure
With potholes blocking our intentions
Hills that are hard to climb
Rains that keep a heart sliding
Mud that sinks
Just to keep
Us stuck in one place
Wearing only one face
But fight this war we must
Before we turn to dust
As the inconsiderate words flowed
Her heart filled with woe
Which ones were the truth
No longer mattered
Shame was the only proof
That she had loved & been duped
Fear morphed into terror
As the proof of her heartache appeared
Clicking through the pictures
Her mind slipped into outer realms
Reality had stopped in its tracks
As the fantasy collapsed
She gnashed her teeth
As her face raised the heat
He continued to speak
But she knew it was only lies to keep
Her from acting out with malice
Crushing him & his chalice
Wiping him from her existence
While her anger gave no resistance
She bided her time for vengeance
Words are my craft
To titillate, tempt & taunt
Raise feelings that haunt
Only to drop in emotions that daunt
Drive your mind to the edge
Before leading you off the cliff
Just to lift you up towards the clouds
Then shower you with every feeling you doubt
It was no great love
Not sent from heaven above
It was but a moment of lost trust
That she agreed to the must
Gave in all she was
Expecting the heavens to burst with love
But alas it was but a dream
The fantasy that never met reality
Let the floodwaters flow
Washing away all this sorrow
Let it cleanse my realities
Clear out all these fantasies
Let it leave a bright rainbow
& allow the sun rays
To bleach this world I know
Let it be an end
& force my heart mend
Let all be forgiven
& start a new beginning
I’m too shy
I’m too strong
I’m too filthy
I try to get along
I’m too soft
I’m too hard
I’m too sassy
I just want to belong
I’m too much
I’m too little
I’m too shy
I don’t like the middle
I’m too broken
I’m just a token
I’m too proud
I never stand out in the crowd
I’ve said no for so long
I don’t know when to say yes
I’ve been boxed in all my life
I don’t know how to grow my wings
I’ve been stomped down so much
I fear my skin is too thin
I’ve been blinded by fantasy
I think there may be no actual reality
in desire
i find truth
in lust
i find you
Let it go
It was never yours
Wash it all away
It will never return to stay
Free yourself of these things
Let loose of the hold on these sins
Remember now is not then
Look ahead & breathe in
You are no longer where you’ve been
I had given it my all
Only to return crestfallen
I had sacrificed my heart
Only for it to be broken apart
I had placed my trust
In a false god of lust
I stand before u
Bruised battered & torn
Tears have been shed
Blood has been spilled
Never again will I be
Wholly me
the language of love
is not spoken with words
but rather felt & heard
with soft sighs & hard verbs
The autumn breeze
Does now blow
As summer’s warmth
Begs to let go
Leaves fall slowly
Dancing in the air
So softly
The large pines sway
Giving way
To a season of change
Orange red & brown
Shall morph into
Gray & black clouds
As winter will set in
To feed our discontent
I walk away
& say goodbye
The rain hides
These tears I cry
I shove aside my pride
To give my heart more time
Your love was never mine
Only in the lies in you I did find
It was only a dream
That you supplied
The clouds are but bleak
The storm comes can’t you see
The thunder clatters mercilessly
As your knees become weak
Let it pass over the sea
Gather strength as we believe
This shall be the end we need
Washing away all this greed
From dust we are made
& to dust we will decay
No one’s path is set in stone
We all travel it alone
Seek not the trials & travails
But push the wind forth in your sails
Make it to another shore
Where you may find what you look for
Today is not your ending
But only the beginning
My friendship is but free
I give it out willingly
I’ll take nothing in return
But continue to yearn
For peace my heart seeks
Only to comfort & to release
The demons that haunt me
I shall find redemption
In these friendships
Blue is the mood
I share with you
Blue eyes
No longer shine
Blue dress
A stained mess
Blue walls
That shutter then fall
Blue aurora
Stops me from moving forward
Blue skies
Under which I shall die
Blue lips
No longer taking breaths
Blue rain
My thunder sings no refrains
Lend a hand
Lend an ear
Provide a shoulder
For someone to cry there
Ask the important question
Are you alright my dear
Notice their inflection
SEE what they fear
Take a moment
For it may be their last one
Reach out & be kind
Cause their life one day will be mine
Do not weep
I beg of thee
For all is not
What we see
Life is but fleeting
Like a leaf to the breeze
Crushed by my feet
Gnashed like a dog with meat
Forces do gather
Like a storm in the sea
Thunder does clatter
Like words we all speak
Let me go with the tides
Wash away all of me
Fairy tales & fantasies
We all read & then breathe
Only to face certain reality
Chains & whips do not make us free
Souls are but weak
This armor does not keep
Anyone safe from this heartache
Life is no longer what we make
Nothing is what I once was
And to nothing I shall return
Merely words typed on the page
I have no wisdom like some sage
Broken & beaten my soul shall be
Lost & lonely I will retreat
Back into the shadows I flee
Nothing left here of the real me
Read me like a book
For my mouth has no notes
Trace my skin as I sink in
Basking in the glow of your sin
Follow the ink stains
Traces of my heartaches
Take a knife to my scars
The proof of my battles & wars
Bring a hammer down upon my walls
Only then shall I be nothing at all
I’m walking away
There’s no reason to stay
I’ll gather the pieces up
Take what’s left
Hang my head in shame
Never again to speak your name
There is no more room in my heart
To light a fire with a spark
And when she whispered
“It’s ok.”
She then planted
A smile upon her face
You did not stand there to see
The sadness ingrained in her soul
Each time she did breathe
But rather you walked away with her pride
Leaving her to feel so lonely inside
I shall no longer
Hold my shield
To defend your heart
Or your honor
But rather
Layer my armor
Inch by inch thick
To protect myself
Against your wickedness
If love is all we have
Is the loss of it
What causes us
To be empty shells
That wander this earth
Seeking, searching
For all the wounds that hurt
Grasping for the ties that bind
Only to be free
Within our own minds
He loved the
Thrill of the chase
But once she was caught
Only then
Did he make haste
Forgive
Yet never forget
Lest you keep
Making
The same mistakes
Wisdom from the Broken Hearted
You may think me meek
I may look weak
But I’m stronger than you’ll ever know
Braver than I’ll ever show
I walk thru fire
Just to be burned alive
Then arise from the ash
Only to thrive & thrash
Becoming a Queen at last
Alone on the edge
Trembling with fear
I stand
With the world before me
Will I ever reach my destiny
Take a leap into the unknown
Or jump to my death
To defeat this fear that grows
It is but a daily struggle
For the scarred & muddied
We first learned to crawl
Then we learned to walk tall
The world beat us down
But we made smiles out of frowns
Lovers broke our hearts
We chose not to fall apart
Now we may be scarred
But we carry on embracing those flaws
A new day dawns
The sunlight peaks through clouds
Take a deep breath now
Block out the world’s terror filled shouts
Look inside to your heart
The day is yours to start
I drown in a pool of my tears
Caressed gently by all my fears
I swallow my liquid pride
Just to know that I am alive
In this & all things
I believe I can survive
I walk alone
In this world of my own
On trampled memories
Crushed by my defeat
With gray rain filled clouds
Thru the dust of my pride
As I tenderly smile
Knowing that
I walk to my demise
No teaspoon of sugar
Will make this medicine
Go down any easier
The world shakes & shivers
While I stand by & quiver
Watching it fall apart
There’s just not enough
Glue here to save it
Pieces & shards
They all cut too deep
Goodbyes & regards
On the surface so seamlessly
It was 3am
& where the hell were you
I was laid across my bed
Tears staining my pillow
While I was missing you
Clutching my phone
While it played our song
It’s been 2 months
Since you’ve been long gone
I still wait for that message
Apologies of forgiveness
But never did they come
Lost but never forgotten
These wounds have festered
To become rotten
Poison has seeped into my blood
Causing the heart to flutter
& my mind to flood
With unspeakable sins upon my lips
My body twists & turns into many dips
Pull the rip cord before I slip
Music filled the space
As my muscles did shake
It was loud enough
To cover my sighs & huffs
Until the sting of the paddle
Made me shake & shutter
And the cries I let out
Lead only to less doubt
For I had found my use in life
To be used & abused for all time
The path ahead
Was dark & tenebrous
Laced with sin & mistakes
But it called to her
Deep from her soul
As she stepped ahead
Her nerves sped
But her will was strong
& forced her body along
The gates of Hell were in the distance
But she moved toward it insistently
when she felt most broken
was when he held her like a treasured token
she believed that
she was broken
But
He knew that
she was perfect
EJReineBooks 
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